Everyone knows the statistic: approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce. But why are the impacts on children not as widely discussed?

While reading research from government sites, one point particularly resonated with me:

"Many studies found that children of divorced families experienced lower levels of well-being regardless of scholastic achievement, conduct, psychological development, self-esteem, social competence, and relationships with other children. The authors examined these studies from three possible explanatory perspectives: that children of divorce often experience a decrease in parental attention, help, and supervision; that divorce typically leads to a decline in the standard of living of mother-headed families, often falling below poverty level; and that conflict between parents before and during separation causes severe stress among children."

This could mean that nearly half of the population has been shaped in some way by childhood trauma related to divorce—including me.

Facing the Statistics

Lately, I’ve found myself comparing my life to those of others I grew up with, feeling as though I’ve failed in some way. But I have to remind myself: my achievements aren't lacking because of who I am—they're influenced by the barriers I’ve faced.

Children of divorce often experience unique challenges, as Judith Wallerstein's research revealed:

• Over half of the children studied achieved lower educational degrees than their parents.

• Many feared their own relationships would fail, mirroring their parents’ experience.

• Half were involved in serious drug and alcohol abuse during adolescence.

Despite these odds, I’ve managed to defy many of these statistics:

1. Higher Education: I’ve surpassed both of my parents’ educational achievements.

2. Healthy Relationships: My partner and I have been together since we were 17 and 19, and we’ve built a strong foundation.

3. Sobriety: I’ve chosen a path free of substance abuse, even amid the chaos I grew up in.

These aren’t just small wins—they’re significant milestones that I am learning to celebrate.

Understanding My Parents

Growing up, my siblings and I faced emotional damage from our parents' struggles: mental health issues, narcissism, financial instability, and a focus on external image. While I’ve grown to understand that my parents are human and flawed, I don’t necessarily agree with many of their choices or values.

Forgiving Myself and Celebrating Wins

If we can’t celebrate overcoming the challenges of our past, how can we feel proud of our present selves?

I’ve realized that forgiving my younger self is essential. My past doesn’t define me, and my resilience is something to be proud of.

Mental health is one of my biggest victories, and though I know there’s room to grow—therapy is a step I look forward to—I can already see how far I’ve come. It’s the little wins that matter, and I’m learning to embrace and celebrate them.

So here’s a reminder, to you and to me:
Forgive your past self. Celebrate your resilience. Every small step forward is a big step toward healing.